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Monday, September 5, 2011

Timeless excerpt from Johnny Oops ll


This is impossible. I’m trying to bring the committee together, but everyone wants to go their own way. Most of the humans say they like being White and the Blacks and Browns and yellows want no part of any diversity program. The Chameleon Magentas say they can change color anytime they want so why should they change. Johnworld made a hasty appearance to let the Tom, Toms and me know that they had no intention of changing colors or anything else and I could be head of the committee as long as I promise not to do anything of any importance. He left abruptly as the grandparents of the numerous children he had conceived who all wanted their grandchildren to have equal time were chasing him. Ala and Ilo representing the Indolts made it very evident that they liked being Blue and that’s why they left their home planet to begin with.

“Ala, I heard you. You are going to stay Blue no matter what.”

To make matters worse, the Tom, Toms are very emotionally distressed at the total lack of progress of the committee. Evidently when they get emotional they resort to satisfying themselves sexually to relieve the stress. I don’t know where their women are. Erick and his gang of five said something about them staying home on their seven planets and protecting their babies from the Purple Passion Zum, Zum birds who like to swoop down from their cloud shrouded mountains and steal their eggs. Evidently they have babies by developing eggs in nests. It’s a long process taking some six of our years. I don’t know who carries the eggs or fertilizes them, as Eric isn’t talking. He says we have enough to think about without getting into the mating habits of his people. I can relate to that.”

“I know how they do it, Johnny. Sounds like fun.”

“Ala, I’m happy to hear that you know how they make babies. Could you please keep that information to yourself? I need a clear head.”

“No, Ala, I don’t need to relieve my stress and I don’t need to mimic a Tom, Tom beat. I just need a little peace and quiet.”

“Johnny, you have to make your desires more transparent if you want to succeed as leader of this committee. I don’t think it would hurt you to get a little release from all the pressure you are under.”

“I have my own way of doing things, Eric.”

"That’s the problem.”

“Shut up, Outy.”

You’re in charge. Now do something.

Is that you, Dear God?


Are you talking to me?

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