Sunday, January 22, 2012
Two FBI Agents, wearing navy blue nylon jackets with FBI stenciled in yellow, rushed into our two-room office in a campus medical research building owned by the University in La Jolla, California, slapped us with some kind of a legal document, and said, “You’re out of here. Don’t bother trying to take your personal belongings. Everything is confiscated,” pushing us out the door. Who do these guys think they are? I lost a top of the line squash racquet, and one of my buddies lost a case of Corona Light. Bet those FBI agents enjoyed the beer.
Evidently our august leader, one Finius Wang, has been diverting most of our charitable contributions to international groups of a subversive nature, after taking a hefty cut for himself. How awful. We all got our names in the paper. Now I have a jacket, and I don’t mean the kind you wear. I mean I have a file with the FBI who has listed the other idealistic jerks and myself as, “would-be subversives of a dubious level of effectiveness.” What does that mean?
The FBI says our parent organization, under the direction of Mr. Wang, was attempting to ferment unrest between Taiwan and North Korea, and paying huge bribes to Taiwanese legislators to accomplish his purpose. I don’t even know where Taiwan is located. Why Mr. Wang chose to engage in these activities, or who was pulling his strings was never established. He managed to escape to China before he was arrested and was never heard from again. All I know is that this had something to do with the transfer of North Korean nuclear technology to Iran.
That was the end of my idealistic period, lasting less than two months. I reverted to my former occupation of womanizer: the only occupation at which I have ever been successful. I decided that if I’m going to get in trouble, I might as well enjoy myself. Didn’t take me long to resume a familiar pattern. Now I know how a bird feels when he constantly has to shift direction to allow for changes in the prevailing winds and is no longer sure of his final destination. I think I’m caught in a downdraft. Watch out below.