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Thursday, November 1, 2007

Excerpt From The Novel Johnny Oops - Growing Up


Things appear to be returning to what passes for normal around these parts. Alice and I have been readmitted to school. I have learned to curb my appetite for delivering sermons. In fact I have learned many lessons over the past year. The school term is nearly over and I am about to be fifteen. In true anti-climatic fashion, nothing terrible has occurred since my touchy, feely white paper eruption. But surreptitiously a lot has changed. I am getting older and under Alice’s tutelage much more mature. There is practically nothing I don’t comprehend and very little that I cannot do. I don’t claim to be perfect yet, but I am a true genius. I feel that I am beginning to fulfill my promise. That fact is no longer in dispute.

I don’t spend all my time with Alice or in the bathroom anymore. Sometimes I get lost in introspection. I need my quiet time to develop some of the philosophies that come charging into and out of my head. That’s a developmental characteristic of many great thinkers. But no matter what I do, thoughts of my darling Alice keep creeping back into my mind: taking it over, absorbing my attention, making me ache with longing, and swelling me up with passion and love. I am about to burst.

It was shortly after my fifteenth birthday when it happened. Alice and I had gone about as far as you can go in exploring one another’s private parts and titillating each other without actually having sex. Her father had gone to a symposium on Theology in New York City for the weekend where he was to be a guest speaker. My folks had taken a weekend vacation to visit my Uncle Richard in Atlantic City who was ailing. I think his gambling losses had caught up with him. Alice and I had taken advantage of our freedom by making plans to spend the weekend together. Alice said it was time. Who am I to argue with my darling Alice? I was about to burst anyway. There is only so much satisfaction you can get in the bathroom when what you really want is more in the nature of an ultimate social interaction with the woman you love.

Anyway we did it. We joined together. We mixed our essential essences of life. Alice groaned and moaned. I didn’t realize that didn’t signify pain, but rather it meant pleasure. I grunted like a tennis ace serving at 129 miles an hour, and kept murmuring, “I love you, I love you,” as we exploded together into a new reality. It was the greatest thing that even happened to me in my life. Alice said it was great for her too.

We stayed together in my bed in my bedroom where I had been a child almost the whole of Saturday. We caressed each other, marveled at the prefecture of our love, and did it again and again. Each time it was better. Each time we knew more about each other. Each time we felt more fulfilled. It was truly wonderful. Alice said she would cherish this day forever, and that I was the greatest. I always knew I was going to be good. I said I would love her forever. We were very happy.

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