Recovering

Excerpt from Johnny Oops.

I’m not going to bore you with all the gritty details of my three-month incarceration at Happyville or the analysis I went through. I was diagnosed as having homophobic neurotic manifestations brought on by my rejection as an inadequate lover by Alice. I can relate to that.

They also told me that my playing Requiem for a Matador on my trumpet symbolized my wish to die a hero’s death so Alice would mourn me as a martyr. O’Hara told me that my wearing the jock strap represented my desire to do her football player lover both figuratively and literally, and that trying to scrap off my freckles was an attempt to become more mature in the way I dealt with social relationships. Doctor O’Hara said this last part was actually a hopeful sign. There is much more, but most of it’s too painful for me to discuss. When am I going to grow up?

After 3 months they released me to the care of my parents with the strong recommendation that I not to go back to Harvard until I’m sixteen no matter what my folks think. That’s right, blame my problems on my folks. Why not give them a guilt trip. That’s the way these shrinks get new customers. There never was any chance of my returning to Harvard. I don’t want to go through the horror and the loneliness again and the University doesn’t want me back.

For the next few months I moped around the house doing nothing much except growing a beard. I wanted to hide the scars on my face where I’d cut myself. Physical scars you can hide, some mental ones never go away. You can only push them into the background. That’s life: A lot of crazy stuff, a lot of hiding from yourself, and a little love to keep you going.
http://www.amazon.com/Johnny-Oops-ebook/dp/B0041KL52M/ref=pd_rhf_p_t_1

Regards,
Arthur