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Friday, August 24, 2007

Johnny Oops – In Flight

I hate flying. I secretly hope that when I reach a certain state in my immortal development that I will be able to fly without a plane, but for now I have to suffer the same curse that mere mortals do of waiting at airports if I want to get where I am going, assuming I know where that is.

I was greeted at the airport in Fair Lakes, California by about forty members of my flock. I preach a religion, which I have named Dialectic Materialism. It proposes a rational belief in God based on fear, greed, and the desire to have a lot of money. Most of my flock are young, beautiful, and rich. They are blessed by having me to lead them, and wait with great anticipation for my ‘words’. They also contribute generously to me and my cause. The money keeps rolling in. Isn’t it wonderful? Sometimes I think I am a walking miracle. Just wait until I can fly, then everyone will recognize my virtue.

Once again I find myself distracted by a tall blond in the group at the airport that seems to hang on my every word. I am six foot three with red hair, the remnants of freckles, and tawny green eyes, but she looks even taller. My god what a stud I am. Mounting her must be like climbing a stairway to Heaven. I don’t know why these vulgar thoughts pop into my mind, but they just do.

I pushed my way through the crowd to a waiting Limousine and beckoned the tall Blonde to follow me. She practically leapt into the car with me. I was right this was going to be Heavenly. I introduced myself to Paula who said she was Russian. I said it didn’t matter to me as long as she believed in Dialectic Materialism and in me. Paula just smiled. This guru thing has its advantages. For the rest of the ride to the hotel we didn’t talk. We spent our collective time together looking each other over, and at least in my case anticipating what was to come.

The first thing I did after we checked into my suite at the Jolley Rouge Hotel was to cancel my appointments for the rest of the day. I had decided in the Limo to make Paula my personal disciple and representative in California. I usually do things like this instinctively and generally live to regret them. But least you think I am some sexed up maniac I spent the rest of the afternoon lecturing Paula on Dialectic Materialism, which believes in people touching each other in their private parts as a way to get more in tune with their real feelings, and then we had sex. Life is good. Paula said this was the best religion she had ever participated in. She said I was her Holy Man. I told you I have promise. Wait till you see what happens tomorrow.

MLMF (More later my friend)

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