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Thursday, August 30, 2007

TV Talk Show Host Meets His Match

Johnny refused to take his handlers advice and prepare for his big TV interview with the famous talk sow host, Maxie Big Mouth. The day of the meeting Johnny seemed calm and content. He was convinced that God would give him the ‘words’ no matter what Maxie threw at him Maxie wasted no time lacing into Johnny.

Maxie: So Mr. Oops or shall we call you Johnny? Are you really a guru and a prophet or are you a charlatan? And do you really walk on water?

Johnny: It’s for my flock and your audience to decide what I am and what I am capable of doing Mr. Big Mouth.

Maxie: I had my experts check and they say when that picture of you walking on water was taken you were really water skiing barefoot. Isn’t that the truth?

Johnny: Who gave your experts the ‘word’? Who do they speak to? I am the messenger, and it is I who delivers the ‘words’ of the ultimate expert of them all.

Maxie: So now you are saying you talk to God. Are you divine?

Johnny: I talk to God all the time. Whether he answers me, or whether I am becoming a prophet is up to our common Lord. I don’t presume to speak for him, and a big mouth like you with your phony experts shouldn’t presume to speak for him either. It is all in God’s hands and not yours.

Maxie: How can a fictional character like you who is really promoting a novel called Johnny Oops really expect to have us believe that you are a prophet who is divine?

Johnnie: I am as real as people perceive me to be. Maybe you are not real. Maybe you’re a fake; a phony promoter just looking to get big ratings by sensationalizing things and putting honest hard working people down. I have news for you Maxie Big Mouth. I think my flock and your audience are wise to your antics and we are not going to put up with it any more. Maybe this is the last show of yours they will watch. Maybe in protest they will switch channels just as the next commercial comes on and stop watching your show.

At this point Johnny turned to the audience and flashed his most heartfelt smile. The audience started to applaud.

Some shouted out, “We’re with you Johnny. Throw the bum out.”

Maxie: You can’t do this. You are threatening me and my TV station. You could cost us a fortune in advertising revenue if my audience listens to you.

Johnny; What are you worried about? You don’t even think I’m real. How can a fictional character cause you financial harm? If I were your TV station I would dump you to make sure that didn’t happen. Can you hear me America. Switch off as soon as the next commercial comes on, and don’t come back on until this Big Mouth is gone. Show them we, the common people are not going to put up with this any more. They can’t put us down.

With this Johnny jumped up and stormed off the set to the unbelievable loud applause of the house audience. The TV station tried to go to commercial, but that just made the audience shout louder that they weren’t going to be dumped on any more and down with the fat assed bog mouth named Maxie.

Shortly after this incident Maxie Big Mouth was fired. The TV station used the excuse that he had been caught snorting cocaine in the Ladies Room just before a show. Big Mouth Maxie was last seen pedaling little red pills on a street corner at 147th street in Harlem. No one would take the chance of hiring him on TV again. Johnny became a powerful national force on television. Everyone wanted to have him on their show, but made sure to be properly respectful and treat him like a prophet, hanging on his every ‘word’. In the eyes of the public Johnny was becoming a divine miracle right on prime time television, and they loved it, but the IRS didn’t think that Johnny was so divine. They were checking his charitable receipts and something wasn’t adding up.

MLMF (More later my friends)

*** IMPORTANT: I am about to embark on a nationwide tour to promote Dialectic Materialism and my new found well deserved fame as a guru of renown. If any of you have any suggestions for the topics of my speeches as I travel the country please let me know through the comment section of my blog, but remember I will have the last ‘word’.


  1. dialectic??praying to G'd??Amazing wow ,,something new for the soul to lick up,,kudos johnnyOops,,continue....
    cannot find link or box to give you credit J.O. please let us know where that is.!!!
    Go johnny boy ,Go,,,,,....

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