Google Plus 1

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Excerpt From The Novel Johnny Oops

The following is an excerpt from my novel – Johnny Oops. From time to time I will post a little excerpt to tantalize you and create a desire on your part to read more. I’m not only a prophet, I’m a marketing genius, don’t you agree? The reason I am not giving you the rest of the first chapter right now is that it has a fairly high sexual content. If that's okay with you, look for part 2 in a few days.


You can’t stop the future from happening. You can only alter the reality of it. That’s where I come in. I’m a philosopher genius. I can effect change.

My real name is Jonathan Wilbert, but everyone calls me Johnny Oops because I’m a clumsy twelve-years-old who is always knocking things over and saying, “Oops.” I may have the gangly body of a 5 foot 2 inch tall 95-pound awkward boy, but I have the mind of a genius. My I. Q. is off the wall. I’m not one of those nerdy mathematical geniuses or a piano impresario. I’m a philosopher genius on the style of Nietze or perhaps Freud. He hated mothers too, didn’t he? My father is a political science professor at Yale University. He holds some kind of Chair or something. I say why bother. My mother has a PHD from Radcliff College in Behavioral Science. She hates me because I interrupted her career; fat chance of that being the truth. She thinks I’m strange. I guess she thinks she learned something from all those liberal arts courses she took in college. I’m not strange; I’m just different. I try and act like a normal twelve-year-old boy, but it isn’t working. I hate soccer. Playing the trumpet in the band makes my lips swell up, and the idea of watching cartoons with the other kids on the block really turns me off.

I’m a philosopher genius. When I grow up I’m going to be one of the leading intellects of my time. For now I have more important things to do with myself than watch Bugs Bunny say, “What’s Up Doc?” What does that mean? It’s a stupid passé children’s colloquialism that will do nothing to change the chaotic state of the world we live in, and the one I have to grow up in. I can’t be expected to diddle away my precious time on such trivial pursuits. I have deep serious thinking to do. I have a contribution to make to the welfare of our society and it’s not going to be as some stupid observer of an imbecilic animation even if it’s in color and sonic vision. Deep down inside me I know I have promise. I am going to be someone special. I’m going to be a Guru of great renown. I’m a genius.

Speaking of didleing and changing things, I just had my first experience with sex. It was great. The best part is I can do it alone. I don’t need any girl to help out. I certainly don’t want to make any girl a mother. I read about how that works. The baby might turn out like my mother. I don’t want that kind of guilt on my hands. That would be awful.

“No Mom nothings wrong, I’m OK, just a little diarrhea. I’ll be out of the bathroom in a minute, I’m coming.”

Anyway, this is what happened.

No comments:

Post a Comment