I Am A Sinner – What About You?

I don’t know how I get myself into these situations. One moment I am dreaming that God has taken me by the hand, and the next I am giving in to my worst instincts and shacking up with every beautiful woman I meet. Let me tell you what happened.

That’s right, I Johnny Oops am a sinner, and I need your help to show me how to stop sinning. Are you a sinner too, or have you learned how to control your urges? This type of illicit activity is unbecoming to a prophet. What will my wife say? What will my flock think? Oh God, where are you when I need your help? This is what happened.

It all started innocently enough. We had opened offices – huge mansions in effect – in Rancho Santa Fe California and South Hampton, New York. I had gone to California to entertain and solicit some big Hollywood Moguls, and Sarhara stayed behind in South Hampton to meet and greet the local big donors.

Sarhara had evidently hired me a secretary in Rancho Santa Fe by phone interview because I am notoriously bad at organizational activities of any kind, and need someone to in effect take care of me. Many great people are disorganized dreamers and that includes prophets like me.

I was sitting in my office/den when this gorgeous blonde walked in wearing a mini skirt that revealed more than it hid of what in my opinion was the best looking female body I have ever seen, except for my wife of course.

She strode over to me and grabbed me in my private parts and said, “I want to make a contribution and this is all I have to offer.”

I honestly don’t remember whether she told me that she was my secretary or her name before or after we had sex. I’m not sure I really care. I frankly blame my darling wife Sarhara for this. She had no right to hire a secretary for me over the phone. If she had seen Dixie Kups in person, I don’t think she ever would have hired her. My darling wife trusts me, but this is ridiculous.

I plan to mention my sinning ways in a speech I will give shortly in San Francisco, California titled Are You A Sinner. Hopefully I will get many positive eager responses from my flock who will be in attendance. Just to be on the safe side I will bring Dixie in her Mini skirt with me to hand out my ‘God Saves’ programs. That should arouse the men in attendance to acceptance that they are sinners who often gave in to their own worst instincts. I don’t intend to enter this self-inflicted self-help confessional alone. I want company while I’m suffering in my intellectual water closet if you get my drift.

I have once again asked God for his help in controlling my urges. I think He has answered me. He came to me in another dream saying, “Hold on, the best is yet to come.”

What did he mean by that? Sometimes God acts in mysterious ways that I cannot begin to understand. What about you? Are you beginning to understand that we are all sinners? Are you getting the message? Do you have faith that the best is yet to come?