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Monday, October 15, 2007

Johnny And Sarhara Have Baby Prophets

One day Johnny noticed that Sarhara had gotten big as a house. He asked her what happened to her. She said she was going to tell him anyway, but wanted to see if he noticed.

“Noticed what?” he said.

“That I am pregnant you idiot. That’s what you didn’t notice. What kind of prophet are you anyway if you don’t even know when your wife is pregnant? We are going to have little twin prophets running around this house, God help me. I knew I shouldn’t have fooled around with you any more after that Dixie Kup escapade, but I just can’t help myself. Now see what you’ve done.”

Johnny responded. “It’s a miracle. This was to be expected. You should be very happy.”

“I’ll be happy when you are changing their diapers, not me.”

“Never happen my dear, I am a prophet. Such things are beneath me.”

With this last statement Sarhara gave Johnny a swift kick in his shins and proceeded to throw up on the breakfast room table. Johnny said such things were to be expected again and retreated to the privacy of his office/den to contemplate having children. The thought had never crossed his mind before.

Sarhara came home from a trip to the doctors to inform Johnny that the twins were going to be fully mature in about a week and that it was time to pick names. Johnny was surprised at first that this whole procedure had taken only 3 months, but then things always got speeded up when you are talking about prophets and their off spring. He told Sarhara to pick the babies names herself. She told him she had already decided on the names Darling and Delicious, as the twins were both girls.

Johnny was shocked. He was expecting boys. Sarhara told him not to worry about it. They could have boys another time if they ever fooled around again. In fact with the maturation schedule that prophets are evidently on, they could have a whole football team in no time at all.

Johnny said, “I like baseball better.” Poor Johnny, he forgot to duck as Sarhara threw a book at him.

And you think that only normal people have dysfunctional families. Believe me, they have nothing on prophets and their wives. Wait till you meet the twins. They are convinced they are geniuses that have inherited prophet rights and they age at three times the age of normal children. At the age of five they sound and act like they are fifteen, which gets everyone in trouble..

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