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Monday, October 22, 2007

Too Old To Fail Again

I know this is going to sound crazy to you, but genius prophets like me, Johnny Oops, age much more rapidly than normal folks. It’s something in our genius genes I think. They are much too aggressive. The result is that as youngsters we grow up both physically and mentally much sooner than others, and then as we hit our prime we start to age much quicker than normal people. It isn’t obvious to you in my physical appearance, but the truth is that I am actually 199 years old in purely human terms. Don’t let it worry you. I will probably be around forever, but there is always a chance that my almost infinite lifespan will be cut short by you know Who if I do something that really displeases Him.

That is why, I CANNOT AFFORD TO FAIL. Did you hear me? At my age failing again simply isn’t an option. I might not get another chance. It was okay when I was a youngster to screw up once in a while. It showed my human side, but now that I am more prophet than human, it isn’t so cute any more when I mess up. I repeat; I cannot afford to fail. The consequences are too frightful to contemplate. I could end up going to the other place instead of Heaven. I don’t want that. I have made too big a contribution to society to deserve that fate.

I tried adding up all the good things I have done the other day in case I am called upon to meet my Maker in what would hopefully be the first of many interactions. Of course I have always been God’s messenger, but this time I am afraid it might be me who is given the ‘word’. Sadly, the list of good deeds wasn’t as long as I had imagined?

What has me worried is that I am about to embark on a new project to get Hollywood to stop their sinning ways. You know my predilection for beautiful women. I am afraid I might be tempted and be unfaithful to my darling wife Sarhara. Oh, the scandal. I couldn’t take the public shame. And what would happen if my beautiful twin girl baby prophets read about my indiscretions in the newspapers. It would be too much for me to bear to see how unhappy I had made my beautiful little Darling and Delicious. It would probably ruin their political futures if they are ever to have them. But what can I do? I can’t control myself. I am a weak and craven sinner. Oh woe is me, is there no hope for me? Where is my salvation?

I went on like this for what seemed like an eternity - maybe it was, until I got the bright idea to tell my wife Sarhara of my problem. Believe it or not she decided to come with me to Hollywood and never leave my side. I don’t know if I really like this solution or not, but what choice do I have?

After thinking about it I decided that I really had no choice. I was seeking redemption, and I needed my wife’s help to find it. What about you? Are you seeking redemption? Are you getting too old to fail again? Be of good cheer. The road to salvation may very well lie in opening up to and trusting your loved ones. Don’t be afraid if your list of good deeds isn’t as long as you imagined it was. Good things come to those who believe and have faith. I don’t know how long any of us has, but let’s make the most of it. Maybe if we try really hard, the best is yet to come. Let’s find out before we get too old to enjoy

Hi, I am Arthur Levine, the author of the novel Johnny Oops. To read more about Johnny and his fictional wild escapades please access:

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