Illegal Immigration – The Solution

From a speech given by Johnny Oops at the biggest drive-in movie left in the Country at the Arizona/Mexican border.



I have the solution to our immigration problem with Mexico my friends. It came to me in a dream. I don’t mean to be blasphemous, but I believe I was inspired by you know who on this one.

What we have to do is only let the wealthiest Mexican’s into the Country, not the poorest, as legal citizens, not illegal immigrants. We should charge a head tax of $10,000 per adult and $40,000 per child assuming our social welfare costs of free schooling and medical expenses are going to be higher for those that live longer. That would bring in $100,000 per average family of four. Those that are born here are home free.

Assuming that only one million wealthy Mexicans were willing and able to take advantage of this each year (there are more of them than you think) that would yield us an estimated one billion a year and save us billions more of social welfare costs on the twelve to twenty million illegal immigrant Mexicans we would no longer allow into this Country.

At the same time as we do this we could set up a social welfare credit with the twelve million illegal Mexican immigrants who stay home or go home of $1000 a year. They would have to pay their own transportation costs back to Mexico or walk across the border, but we would provide an endless supply of sneakers if necessary free of charge. That would cost us only 120.000,000 dollars verses the current cost of billions in social welfare expenses, and we could use part of the one billion dollars we collect from the wealthy Mexican immigrants to pay for it. I would also reach an agreement with the Mexican government to use another $250,000,000 of our annual immigrant head tax revenue to fund a free entrepreneurial, build your own business type, of free trade zone as far away from our border with Mexico as you can get. It is just possible that a number of these newly subsidized poor Mexicans will become wealthy themselves in this tax free zone, and want to immigrate legally to the United States, paying the head tax for themselves and their family, and thus dynamically increasing our take from the immigrant head tax. This is a win, win situation.

Am I brilliant or what? I always knew I was a genius. Do you know how much poor Mexicans can buy in their own country with $1000 a year? They will no longer want to come here as long as we keep paying them, and they get that yearly stipend whether they work or not. Pretty soon Mexican businesses would have to start paying their workers more to get them to go to work. Why should they work for about a dollar a day when they can promise not to immigrate and make close to three times that amount for doing nothing? That’s capitalism at work. That’s The Dialectic Rationalization of Materialism form of capitalism other Countries only dream of. I told you it pays to be greedy.

As to the cheap labor crisis this might cause, I have the solution to that too. Have you people ever heard of Robots? Where is the technology that made this country great? Do you mean to tell me we can’t build and program a Robot smart enough to pick corn or strawberries? Well strawberries might be a problem unless you were looking for strawberry puree. Nothing is perfect is it? But let’s not forget the sense of innovation that made this Country great. If we can make Robots that can perform medical operations, we ought to be able to produce ones that can pick strawberries without squashing them.

If the Republican and Democratic Parties are really worried about losing all those votes when millions of illegal immigrants don’t become citizens, we could give the Robots a limited form of technological citizenship and the right to vote, but not the right to unionize, or civil rights, or the rights to free schooling or medical care, and we have to make sure they are not preprogrammed as to who to vote for by the manufacturer. They would have to be enticed into voting by who ever offered them the best deal on replacement parts and given some cognitive ability to understand a basic pay for vote type deal. Don’t be scared we are not really going to teach them how to think independently. We are going to limit their thinking ability to that of your average ape or chimpanzee. You don’t see many of them voting, or do you?

And while we are at it, let’s make damn sure that our Robots are all American, stamped made in America, and speak English. That should do the trick nicely. I am really getting excited about this, how about you?

This is really easy for a guru like me who has the ‘word’. I am definitely getting the hang of modern day political problem solving. I think when I am through with this project; I am going to turn my attention to Global Warming. Get ready world, things are going to get so hot around here that you might think you are in Acapulco or Cancun, Mexico in the middle of the summer. Isn’t life wonderful? The future is ours for the taking.

MLMF (More later my friends)