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Friday, September 21, 2007

A New Prophet Takes Europe By Storm

The pool at the Hotel DuCap, in the South of France was the scene for Johnny’s latest lecture on the theme, ‘You Can Take It With You’, which was taking the world by storm. He was addressing a crowd of several hundred of the wealthiest and most important people in Europe. In the audience were the elite of European Society: bankers, politicians, publishers and religious leaders. They were all listening intently hoping to here the secret of how to take it with you when you cross over. All of them had paid a small fortune to be part of the audience, and they were intent on getting their money’s worth. Whether secularist or catholic or protestant, they all wanted a special position in the afterworld and were fully prepared to declare Johnny Oops a prophet if they liked what he said when he revealed the ‘Secret’. These were the people who could spread the word.

Sitting in the front row was the most strikingly beautiful young woman Johnny had ever seen. She had bright red hair, sparkling green eyes and the whitest skin he had ever seen. She never stopped staring at him throughout the whole lecture and smiling the most beautiful smile imaginable. It was all Johnny could do to keep his mind on his lecture.

“My friends it is ordained that I be with you today. For together we shall discover the ‘Secret’ of how to take it with you when you go. Relax, I know the ‘Secret’, and I am going to share it with you because I have the ‘word’. I am the messenger. I have come here to show you the way.”

‘The ‘Secret’ my friends is that you will be rewarded for your accomplishments with a series of credits that will establish your position in the hierarchy of Heaven. All your wealth, your power, your good deeds will be transferred into certificates of good works, and this will determine the position you hold in the hereafter. Isn’t it wonderful? You will receive full recognition for your efforts.”

Johnny was looking intently to see the audience’s reaction, but all he could see was the smiling face of the redhead in the front row. He needed to concentrate he kept telling himself.

“Do not be ashamed of having accumulated worldly wealth and power. They are symbols of the good kind of greed that enables you to help other people and thus do good works. You are entitled to all you have. You have earned it. I am the messenger and I have the ‘word’ and I know this to be true. Follow me and enjoy a brighter hereafter. Follow me and I will show you the way for mine is the power and the sanctification of all you wish for.”

With this the beautiful redhead leapt to her feet and shouted, “Johnny you are our man, you are the prophet. We believe. We will follow you.”

As one, the whole audience jumped up and started shouting, “Johnny you’re the man, your our prophet. We will follow you.

Everyone was pushing and shoving to get close to Johnny, touch him and give him more donations. It was more than Johnny could of hoped for. He pulled the beautiful red head to his side so that she wouldn’t get trampled and after a long period of adulation from his new flock of true believers, he returned to his hotel suite with his new companion in tow. He was now a declared prophet, but Americans were none too happy. They wanted their own prophet back home. They didn’t want to share him with the world.

Johnny turned to the red head and said, “Who are you? I have been waiting for you all my life.”

She responded that her name was Sahara Farbren and she had been waiting for her prophet to appear all of her life.

It turns out that she was the daughter of the Chief Kabalistic Rabbi of France. Kabala is the practice of ancient Jewish mysticism revealing secrets of the universe that have been hidden for hundreds of years, and had many things in common with Johnny’s Dialectic Rationalization of Materialism Religion. It was a match one could say, which was truly made in Heaven.

After a short discussion of how much they had in common, Sahara and Johnny had wild sex relying on some of the secrets of the universe they shared to form an uncommonly hot and exciting bond. Johnny knew this was different from the other women he had been with. This was true love. This was his new soul mate. He would never be lonely again.

He told Sahara of his feelings and said, “I want to be with you always. I want to marry you. I want to have children with you.”

Sahara smiled and said, “Of course, this is as it was meant to be. Let’s get married. Let’s make babies. I can’t wait until you meet my father. He always wanted to have a prophet in the family.”

Johnny smiled and wondered. Why do I have to meet her father? I wasn’t planning on introducing her to my parents? This is all beginning to sound too traditional, and I am anything but a traditional kind of guy. I don’t care. For my Sahara I will do anything. I am in love. I am not lonely any more.

Wait until Johnny meets Rabbi Farbren. He might wish he were alone. The old rabbi frankly thinks he wrote the book, or is it the bible. In any event he isn’t about to bow down to this young upstart and his crazy ideas even if he is in love with his daughter.

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